I think our ancestors were better at this- when the world wasn’t so everyday dangerous. And the flowers have never forgotten it, and are helping us learn it again.
Rupture and repair has been a theme in the training I’m doing as I prepare to adopt a boy from foster care. How liberating to know that it’s OK to screw up as long as we teach them the tools to make it right. ♥️
Thank you for this. Your writing, when it crosses my path by book, blog, or email, is one of the few I always stop whatever I'm doing to read, and read again. I've read this one twice now, and what it is bringing up for me is a particular mothering terror I suffered for the first several years of my daughter's life. Every night (and I do mean EVERY night), just as I was slipping into sleep, my brain concocted a small nightmare to jolt me wide awake with my heart pounding. It was always some variation of my daughter dying - once when I turned around to get something from the car and her stroller rolled down the driveway into traffic, once when she slipped in the bathtub and hit her head, and on and on in infinite variations, so horrible that I would never inflict the telling of them on another parent. This went on for years, as I said, but finally tapered off a couple of years ago, and now it rarely happens at all. I have a lot of theories for why I suffered this way, but I think maybe it's just that I hadn't subconsciously come to terms with what you are writing about here, that it's not my job to keep my daughter safe, and in fact, I can't. It's my job to be with her in the world. Just to walk with her. Thank you again for putting words to something I haven't always been quite bold enough to really look at. Also, I love the star nursery photos you shared with this post. I can definitely see the Mother in them. 💚
Thank you for the powerful, courageous, bolstering truth of what you shared here Rebecca. I experienced postpartum OCD after my daughter was born and I know very well the particular hellscape that is intrusive thoughts. I also came to a very similar conclusion. It's such a huge psyche opening moment to bring a child into this world, a being who you love more than life itself. There is so much to reconcile with, so much that is out of our control. It's a lot for anyone to process, but I think it's extra challenging for sensitive people with our beautiful, powerful, extra-attuned brains. It's a potent fire to walk though, but it is also a transfiguration and graduation itself. Sending you a cosmos of love from the start nursery we are both a part of.
Thank you so much for this writing which arrived into my inbox this morning. It means a lot to a mother who is feeling all of the scared feelings my daughter had going to school this morning and trying with every fibre of my being to hold space for her feelings and gently nudge her along. The concept of rupture and repair is something I keep close to hand always with my children. So important. Beautiful writing. Thank you for your work 💖
Oh Asia, this post is so hugely profound and truly moved me, thank you.
Lately I have been trying to find the balance between showing my daughter my emotions, so that I can both honour them myself and also show her it’s ok to feel them and not hide them from others... but juggled with not putting a burden on her. She’s quite a worrisome almost 3 year old and is incredibly empathetic and I don’t want to create a bond where she feels like she needs to care for me (like I have with my own mother)
But reading this, it’s all part of her journey. My intentions are good and that’s the key thing. There is so much I cannot control. I am trying my best to model some of the tools she may need when it comes to processing her emotions later on.
It hurts to think about her going through her own trauma, but it’s part of being human and what our souls came here to experience. So surely, wrapping her in bubble wrap to prevent trauma, thus preventing her from fully experiencing life itself, is a worse fate?
I feel you in this Kerry. Motherhood is such a constant balancing act of learning how to heal while also learning how to hold space for the healing. But I also think this is my design. The experience heals us, and as it does, it shows our children what healing looks like. Sending you such deep care and gratitude for your share.
Beautiful as always Asia. I read the words - the quote about children being stronger, more resilient not when no rupture happens but when it happens and is repaired - before becoming a mother but now that I have lived it through my own journey mothering two little ones, reading it again feels like coming full circle. Thank you darling mama x
Technical question: im subscribed and sending donation regularrly, im able to read this artickle yet I still see the button UPGRADE TO PAID. Im I still on a free version then?
I think our ancestors were better at this- when the world wasn’t so everyday dangerous. And the flowers have never forgotten it, and are helping us learn it again.
The world has never been safer
Rupture and repair has been a theme in the training I’m doing as I prepare to adopt a boy from foster care. How liberating to know that it’s OK to screw up as long as we teach them the tools to make it right. ♥️
My gosh, this is so beautiful. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you for this. Your writing, when it crosses my path by book, blog, or email, is one of the few I always stop whatever I'm doing to read, and read again. I've read this one twice now, and what it is bringing up for me is a particular mothering terror I suffered for the first several years of my daughter's life. Every night (and I do mean EVERY night), just as I was slipping into sleep, my brain concocted a small nightmare to jolt me wide awake with my heart pounding. It was always some variation of my daughter dying - once when I turned around to get something from the car and her stroller rolled down the driveway into traffic, once when she slipped in the bathtub and hit her head, and on and on in infinite variations, so horrible that I would never inflict the telling of them on another parent. This went on for years, as I said, but finally tapered off a couple of years ago, and now it rarely happens at all. I have a lot of theories for why I suffered this way, but I think maybe it's just that I hadn't subconsciously come to terms with what you are writing about here, that it's not my job to keep my daughter safe, and in fact, I can't. It's my job to be with her in the world. Just to walk with her. Thank you again for putting words to something I haven't always been quite bold enough to really look at. Also, I love the star nursery photos you shared with this post. I can definitely see the Mother in them. 💚
Thank you for the powerful, courageous, bolstering truth of what you shared here Rebecca. I experienced postpartum OCD after my daughter was born and I know very well the particular hellscape that is intrusive thoughts. I also came to a very similar conclusion. It's such a huge psyche opening moment to bring a child into this world, a being who you love more than life itself. There is so much to reconcile with, so much that is out of our control. It's a lot for anyone to process, but I think it's extra challenging for sensitive people with our beautiful, powerful, extra-attuned brains. It's a potent fire to walk though, but it is also a transfiguration and graduation itself. Sending you a cosmos of love from the start nursery we are both a part of.
Ah I love this. And so so so focus on repair from rupture always. It feels like such a valuable tool! Thank you
Thank you so much for this writing which arrived into my inbox this morning. It means a lot to a mother who is feeling all of the scared feelings my daughter had going to school this morning and trying with every fibre of my being to hold space for her feelings and gently nudge her along. The concept of rupture and repair is something I keep close to hand always with my children. So important. Beautiful writing. Thank you for your work 💖
This is so beautiful. Thank you. 🙏
This is amazing, and I’ve been needing this message lately. Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom.
Beautiful ✨
Oh Asia, this post is so hugely profound and truly moved me, thank you.
Lately I have been trying to find the balance between showing my daughter my emotions, so that I can both honour them myself and also show her it’s ok to feel them and not hide them from others... but juggled with not putting a burden on her. She’s quite a worrisome almost 3 year old and is incredibly empathetic and I don’t want to create a bond where she feels like she needs to care for me (like I have with my own mother)
But reading this, it’s all part of her journey. My intentions are good and that’s the key thing. There is so much I cannot control. I am trying my best to model some of the tools she may need when it comes to processing her emotions later on.
It hurts to think about her going through her own trauma, but it’s part of being human and what our souls came here to experience. So surely, wrapping her in bubble wrap to prevent trauma, thus preventing her from fully experiencing life itself, is a worse fate?
I feel you in this Kerry. Motherhood is such a constant balancing act of learning how to heal while also learning how to hold space for the healing. But I also think this is my design. The experience heals us, and as it does, it shows our children what healing looks like. Sending you such deep care and gratitude for your share.
Beautiful as always Asia. I read the words - the quote about children being stronger, more resilient not when no rupture happens but when it happens and is repaired - before becoming a mother but now that I have lived it through my own journey mothering two little ones, reading it again feels like coming full circle. Thank you darling mama x
This is so beautiful ❤️
This is stunning and thought provoking and so so beautiful. Thank you x
Technical question: im subscribed and sending donation regularrly, im able to read this artickle yet I still see the button UPGRADE TO PAID. Im I still on a free version then?
Hm, this has happened for me in the past when I'm subscribed via one email but logged in via another.