So sweet! And so true. I eventually noticed that when my son was a baby and even toddler it was accepted that sensitive mom was ideal, (mostly)but then at literally age three people would begin to tell me “you have to let go sometime” (do I?) and “He needs to be independent from you” (does he?) I didn’t listen and continued with our bond and now at age 15 he is naturally independent and capable AND we can still communicate and have a bond. That said, there’s a difference between doing everything for your kids and being there for them. And it becomes confused in our culture, possibly because this sensitivity is seen as a flaw except in mothers of very young children. That sensitivity will show you to support them where you see they need it and to see them for who they are more as they change. You won’t need to do everything for them because you will trust them. And they will trust that you are always there giving them the confidence to become who they are.
This is the most resonate article on parenting I have ever read. I am highly sensitive and it can be so f-ing hard in our culture and coparenting with my partner who completely lacks understanding of this characteristic. I feel so hyper attuned to my son’s needs (he’s 2) and at the same time I feel like I’m failing at all times. How do you relieve the guilt that comes with being an HSP mother in a society of comparison and when we are not necessarily surrounded by people who understand the value and challenges of being an HSP?
Thank you so much for this. For verbalizing that it’s okay to hold these conflicting truths in our hearts at the same time. The first few years of mothering felt like this for me, and then at some point in year 7 or 8, some new whole was born out of the mix, no longer me/mother, but just me, mother. I think it took me a few years longer than many because I am so highly sensitive and attuned to my interior landscape - and I’ve had to fight so hard all my life to set boundaries with other humans that allow my soul to function properly - regardless, what a journey. I’ll be following yours with love.
This was beautiful! Becoming a mother is my biggest fear and probably my biggest passion. I love your words as I start to carefully consider that journey.
Asia- I have to tell you it was so much a gift to read these very words. I have felt this way since becoming a mother and to have it shared so clearly for the paradox that it is - is such medicine. Thank you! I am sending you lots of love. My daughters are 8 and 10 now and I still feel this way so very deeply. Also I am reading your beautiful book right now and I adore it and deeply appreciate it. Xo
This was EXACTLY my experience. When I got my AuDHD diagnosis at 46 it all made sense.
Before I had my kiddo I had conversations with my partner about how I was going to handle not being in silence all day. My preferred environment is a cave. The first year was almost impossible because I was over stimulated all the time....and even though I had wanted to breast feed until 2. I was happy when they wanted solid food at 4 months and stopped breast feeding exclusively at 10 months.
I didn’t want anyone touching my body for months after that!
Because I didn’t know what I was dealing with....it very quickly spiralled into PPD.
If I had know I had Autism.....it would have been a completely different experience. I could have given myself and my family the accommodations we needed to make it work for us.
Now my kiddo is 12 and I’m going through peri/menopause.....just a heads up...it’s another overstimulation/hormonal nightmare.
I think birth and motherhood for HSP/Autists/ND individuals is extremely complicated. And add in a spiritual element and it just becomes life altering.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I believe the more we have these conversaition so the easier it will get for the next generation.
Feeling so much of this! Thank you for taking the time to write it down and explain-- I read the HSP book earlier this year and felt she was telling me “Of course you are a HSP, that’s normal for 10% of people and this is what you deal with in the world.” It felt so... not alone ❤️❤️❤️
Such a beautiful post, you've put words to the paradox of motherhood so perfectly. I often feel overstimulated too, I home educate my three so we're in the same space much of the time but although I have moments where I think that it's all too much to carry I can really relate to the liberation you mentioned too, that knowing that the people we are raising are our priority, that it is okay to let other aspects of our life fall away when we need to ✨
Oh gosh... I’ve been saving this post to read because I knew that it would resonate... BUT this is more than just resonating... you describe so so much of how I experience Motherhood and have written it in a way that just lands with me so much! I find it so hard to articulate to my husband, and to others, just how challenging I find it. I’ve had these conversations with a few trusted friends but I have always questioned my capacity to be a Mother... but yet as you say... it also grounded me so much and has made me so fierce with my boundaries. I have to say... having two now has absolutely pushed me to my maximum capacity and i am still very much adjusting my nervous system again to be with two sets of risk/sounds/emotions/chaos.
This was a very interesting read as someone who is unsure of whether or not to have children. I appreciated reading about your perspective and the open hearted tenderness you shared.
I was previously diagnosed as a HSP during my early twenties but have since been diagnosed as autistic. I think there is a lot of overlap with these two diagnoses, and other neurodivergent diagnoses.
So sweet! And so true. I eventually noticed that when my son was a baby and even toddler it was accepted that sensitive mom was ideal, (mostly)but then at literally age three people would begin to tell me “you have to let go sometime” (do I?) and “He needs to be independent from you” (does he?) I didn’t listen and continued with our bond and now at age 15 he is naturally independent and capable AND we can still communicate and have a bond. That said, there’s a difference between doing everything for your kids and being there for them. And it becomes confused in our culture, possibly because this sensitivity is seen as a flaw except in mothers of very young children. That sensitivity will show you to support them where you see they need it and to see them for who they are more as they change. You won’t need to do everything for them because you will trust them. And they will trust that you are always there giving them the confidence to become who they are.
This is the most resonate article on parenting I have ever read. I am highly sensitive and it can be so f-ing hard in our culture and coparenting with my partner who completely lacks understanding of this characteristic. I feel so hyper attuned to my son’s needs (he’s 2) and at the same time I feel like I’m failing at all times. How do you relieve the guilt that comes with being an HSP mother in a society of comparison and when we are not necessarily surrounded by people who understand the value and challenges of being an HSP?
Thank you so much for this. For verbalizing that it’s okay to hold these conflicting truths in our hearts at the same time. The first few years of mothering felt like this for me, and then at some point in year 7 or 8, some new whole was born out of the mix, no longer me/mother, but just me, mother. I think it took me a few years longer than many because I am so highly sensitive and attuned to my interior landscape - and I’ve had to fight so hard all my life to set boundaries with other humans that allow my soul to function properly - regardless, what a journey. I’ll be following yours with love.
Reading this felt like seeing the sun come out. Thank you for this share Rebecca, it is warming me through and through.
Oh Asia, this was incredible. “this is the greatest joy I’ve ever known. And, I cannot handle another second.” The deepest, most resonant truth.
Thank you for being here Lindsay. So grateful to be in these waves together in life.
This was beautiful! Becoming a mother is my biggest fear and probably my biggest passion. I love your words as I start to carefully consider that journey.
This resonates so deeply. Thank you for writing so beautifully.
Asia- I have to tell you it was so much a gift to read these very words. I have felt this way since becoming a mother and to have it shared so clearly for the paradox that it is - is such medicine. Thank you! I am sending you lots of love. My daughters are 8 and 10 now and I still feel this way so very deeply. Also I am reading your beautiful book right now and I adore it and deeply appreciate it. Xo
Thank you Shannon! This means so much to me. I am so grateful you are here.
This was EXACTLY my experience. When I got my AuDHD diagnosis at 46 it all made sense.
Before I had my kiddo I had conversations with my partner about how I was going to handle not being in silence all day. My preferred environment is a cave. The first year was almost impossible because I was over stimulated all the time....and even though I had wanted to breast feed until 2. I was happy when they wanted solid food at 4 months and stopped breast feeding exclusively at 10 months.
I didn’t want anyone touching my body for months after that!
Because I didn’t know what I was dealing with....it very quickly spiralled into PPD.
If I had know I had Autism.....it would have been a completely different experience. I could have given myself and my family the accommodations we needed to make it work for us.
Now my kiddo is 12 and I’m going through peri/menopause.....just a heads up...it’s another overstimulation/hormonal nightmare.
I think birth and motherhood for HSP/Autists/ND individuals is extremely complicated. And add in a spiritual element and it just becomes life altering.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I believe the more we have these conversaition so the easier it will get for the next generation.
Feeling so much of this! Thank you for taking the time to write it down and explain-- I read the HSP book earlier this year and felt she was telling me “Of course you are a HSP, that’s normal for 10% of people and this is what you deal with in the world.” It felt so... not alone ❤️❤️❤️
Such a beautiful post, you've put words to the paradox of motherhood so perfectly. I often feel overstimulated too, I home educate my three so we're in the same space much of the time but although I have moments where I think that it's all too much to carry I can really relate to the liberation you mentioned too, that knowing that the people we are raising are our priority, that it is okay to let other aspects of our life fall away when we need to ✨
Oh gosh... I’ve been saving this post to read because I knew that it would resonate... BUT this is more than just resonating... you describe so so much of how I experience Motherhood and have written it in a way that just lands with me so much! I find it so hard to articulate to my husband, and to others, just how challenging I find it. I’ve had these conversations with a few trusted friends but I have always questioned my capacity to be a Mother... but yet as you say... it also grounded me so much and has made me so fierce with my boundaries. I have to say... having two now has absolutely pushed me to my maximum capacity and i am still very much adjusting my nervous system again to be with two sets of risk/sounds/emotions/chaos.
Thank you lovely one for writing this! Xxx
This was a very interesting read as someone who is unsure of whether or not to have children. I appreciated reading about your perspective and the open hearted tenderness you shared.
I was previously diagnosed as a HSP during my early twenties but have since been diagnosed as autistic. I think there is a lot of overlap with these two diagnoses, and other neurodivergent diagnoses.