Thank you, Asia, for articulating the clarity I never realized I missed about the 2-1/2 years of my child's cancer journey from age 4-6 as her primary caregiver and residential parent. Praise be the flowers, as she is a thriving adult.
It's such a tender, complicated thing to write towards and feel into Erin. But also, so healing to acknowledge just how deep and complex our feelings truly are. Praise, yes, so much praise for the flowers. For your daughters healing and thriving, and for the profundity of your own mother's heart. Thank you for being here.
Oh Asia, thank you. I find solace in your words every week, feeling seen and held in a sisterhood of mothers. My little boy also had a cold and fever this past week. It was hard and exhausting, as I held his hot sweaty body against mine day and night until he felt better. Your words are so palpable- I feel it to the core of me. As my little boy is approaching 1, I miss those newborn days, which felt like was just yesterday. Thank you Asia 💕
"You look backwards with joy, you look forward with ache. You look backwards with ache, you look forward with joy."
It's so true. As my youngest is turning more into a toddler, I ache for those baby days, where he needed me completely. But I also like having that bit more freedom too where he doesn't need me as much, like you say the paradox of motherhood!
Beautiful words, Asia. Thank you so much for sharing. I too have found myself missing those intense early days of motherhood, where there was one singular focus and she was all mine and I was all hers. We still co-sleep and she’s all entangled in me and on those days where it feels like too much, I just remember that I will miss these moments so fiercely when they are gone. Motherhood is this constant wishing of what is to come and grieving what you just left, while also being completely present in the moment. It’s the greatest gift of my life.
I’m glad your daughter is doing better! Those fevers are so scary and hard work. Sending you both lots of love! 🤍
It has turned into a week long vigil. Letting me revisit The Pussy Portal, ancestry, and our emails regarding my (now seemingly distant) dance with syphilis. Oh the spirals fever creates.
I'm so excited to have found you here Asia, I can't believe I haven't come across you until now as you are one of the few I've missed incredibly since deleting my Instagram account!
This is the most beautiful reflection, when reading I had the most vivid recollection of a moment of breastfeeding my youngest as a newborn (she is now six 😭) It was the middle of the night in springtime and I was still in the fourth trimester. I sat feeding her in the chair by the window and was completely entranced by the pale pink flowers of the cherry blossom in the churchyard opposite dancing in the wind, so bright against the black of night. Everything was still so vivid and visceral, I find it so incredible how those infant days can have us feeling both hazy and intensely alive at the same time.
Thank you, Asia, for articulating the clarity I never realized I missed about the 2-1/2 years of my child's cancer journey from age 4-6 as her primary caregiver and residential parent. Praise be the flowers, as she is a thriving adult.
It's such a tender, complicated thing to write towards and feel into Erin. But also, so healing to acknowledge just how deep and complex our feelings truly are. Praise, yes, so much praise for the flowers. For your daughters healing and thriving, and for the profundity of your own mother's heart. Thank you for being here.
Oh Asia, thank you. I find solace in your words every week, feeling seen and held in a sisterhood of mothers. My little boy also had a cold and fever this past week. It was hard and exhausting, as I held his hot sweaty body against mine day and night until he felt better. Your words are so palpable- I feel it to the core of me. As my little boy is approaching 1, I miss those newborn days, which felt like was just yesterday. Thank you Asia 💕
Sending you love and relief and days of recoup after holding your little one through the passage of that illness, Sylvia. Big hugs and kinship x
These words in particular landed with me:
"You look backwards with joy, you look forward with ache. You look backwards with ache, you look forward with joy."
It's so true. As my youngest is turning more into a toddler, I ache for those baby days, where he needed me completely. But I also like having that bit more freedom too where he doesn't need me as much, like you say the paradox of motherhood!
Beautiful words, Asia. Thank you so much for sharing. I too have found myself missing those intense early days of motherhood, where there was one singular focus and she was all mine and I was all hers. We still co-sleep and she’s all entangled in me and on those days where it feels like too much, I just remember that I will miss these moments so fiercely when they are gone. Motherhood is this constant wishing of what is to come and grieving what you just left, while also being completely present in the moment. It’s the greatest gift of my life.
I’m glad your daughter is doing better! Those fevers are so scary and hard work. Sending you both lots of love! 🤍
The wishing, the grieving, the presence, the gift. Whew, that's it right there. Thank you for this reflection Hunter!
So beautiful, Asia! ♥️
This hit my email inbox after a night of dedication to a 24 hour bug that swept my 2.5 yo up yesterday. Perfection.
Sending softness and care and healing and recuperation after your vigil Sonja. Big love x
It has turned into a week long vigil. Letting me revisit The Pussy Portal, ancestry, and our emails regarding my (now seemingly distant) dance with syphilis. Oh the spirals fever creates.
✨🙏 thank you for writing this Asia!
I felt the words in this post so deeply, your poetry really spoke to my heart. Thank you. Xx
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you, Asia 🤍
I'm so excited to have found you here Asia, I can't believe I haven't come across you until now as you are one of the few I've missed incredibly since deleting my Instagram account!
This is the most beautiful reflection, when reading I had the most vivid recollection of a moment of breastfeeding my youngest as a newborn (she is now six 😭) It was the middle of the night in springtime and I was still in the fourth trimester. I sat feeding her in the chair by the window and was completely entranced by the pale pink flowers of the cherry blossom in the churchyard opposite dancing in the wind, so bright against the black of night. Everything was still so vivid and visceral, I find it so incredible how those infant days can have us feeling both hazy and intensely alive at the same time.